I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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