Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
