I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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