I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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