Only a mothe r could love this liver
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
