I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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