4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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