theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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