Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
