My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
