one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
