Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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