they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
