i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
