I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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