shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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