my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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