i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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