My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
