i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
