I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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