You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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