"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
be right there i have to get my cape
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
