Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
