I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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