whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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