Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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