So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
