Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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