I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
