the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
