I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My vagina is officially offended.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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