She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
