The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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