If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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