I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
