The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
