there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
