yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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