OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
