i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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