Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
