If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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