i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
