Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
