I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
