they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
