Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
