How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
