highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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