there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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