you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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