just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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