1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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