I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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