I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize