I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
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