i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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