I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
that is very illegal...i love you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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