At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
