We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize