Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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