I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
