When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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