Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
