i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
