Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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