last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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