I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
