I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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