I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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