I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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