apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
