dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
