this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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