so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
