All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
