Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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