I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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