I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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