please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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