it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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